God is mad at you, Katie.

So kids say the darndst (sp) things. The other day I called the 4 year old that I nanny a "punk". She responded by telling me that God is mad at me for calling her names. I laughed. But today feels like she may be right. Somebody doesn't like me up there right now, which I don't blame anyone for after the explicit I uttered after backing into someone's car while I was driving my boss's car. I feel like nothing goes right for me sometimes. I get so moody and impatient and I take it out on the kids. It just proves to me that it is good that I am not married, that I'm not ready to be a mom now, I'm not even ready to be me.

Procrastination, Rings, and Blessings

I am supposed to be doing a study guide right now for the final I am taking this evening...yeah, kind of not happening. I would really rather not have to worry about school again. I haven't had a break from classes in over 2 years. I am really kind of burnt out from it all.

This summer has been crazy and sometimes I feel like my life is a little screwed up. For the most part I spend my time with guys...besides the occasional wonderful friends I have that are girls. But with guy friends comes letting go of a friendship because of marraige and other things. But since this time last year, I have been told by 4 close guy friends that they are gay. It was quite a blow last summer when the first one came out. I was the first person he told and I didn't know what to do. A lot of people have turned their backs on these guys because of their decision. Now I know their decision isn't what is right in the eternal scheme of things, but I can't turn my back on them because I know them as people, as the wonderful, caring, smart, amazing people they are. Sometimes it is tough spending time with them because I have learned that others who are my friends sometimes aren't comfortable being around that. But I love these guys for who they are, not what they are and I wish other people could see it too.

Anyway, I also had the opportunity this summer to go ring shopping! I am not engaged! My good friend Kyle (who I will talk about a little later) proposed to his girlfriend and he trusted me enough to ask me to go pick out a ring for her. It is beautiful and when he proposed a couple nights ago she loved it. And....they want me to be a bridesmaid! That was a shocker since I am better friends with him than with her, but such a priviledge too!

So this last weekend was great! I went to Flagstaff to visit some friends from high school: Brittany, Holli, and Dallin. Also there were Cameron (Brittany and Dallin's younger brother) and Bryce (Dallin's roommate at BYU). It was like a big slumber party the entire weekend! It was great...minus the flat tire and the split in the side wall of another tire. It was so good just to be with them again and to be able to still have those old ties from back home. We went out to eat, they helped me change my flat and get it fixed, we danced, we wrestled, we shopped, we took pictures, we played, we watched movies, we talked...it was great! I don't think that I realize how blessed I am to have them in my life. The Lundin's and the Pace's were my saving graces the last couple years of high school and I am so grateful for their saving grace even today.

I mentioned a flat tire. Well that kept me from coming back to Mesa on Sunday and so I had to call and try and get someone to work for me...and Kyle pulled through. I am a nanny in Scottsdale for 3 kids and my dear friend Kyle agreed to watch the kids for me on Monday while I tried to get back from Flagstaff. I don't know how I would survive without Kyle sometimes. This last year he has been one of my closest friends. I know a lot of times girls like to girl talk with girls and their closest friends are girls, but Kyle has been the person who I have told everything to this past year, who has helped me, laughed with me, travelled with me, and more. We have some great memories together and now he is going to have some great memories with his soon to be wife, Kyia.

Anders is getting married this month. For those of you who don't know Anders...he is my absolute best friend. We met my first year of college, had a couple rough patches in the year and a half we went to school together, and have been close ever since. He's the type of person you talk to on the phone a few times a week and tell everything too, the type who sends cards and letters just for the heck of it, the type who makes up excuses to come visit, the type who will take a million pictures with you, the type who will talk to you about anything and everything, the type who listens because they honestly care, the type who will make you laugh when all you want to do is cry, and so forth. I have never felt more blessed in my life than when I have had him in it.

Wow, I really kind of unloaded here. I guess that is what happens when you just don't want to do homework.